The Parlour and The Chamberlayne

West London, and specifically North West where I currently live, is a culinary desert. There are a few old favourites and predictable stalwarts, but these are not the fertile, lush plains of Central and East London in terms of choice, openings and excitement.

I’m not going to continue with the god-awful terrain analogy. So where I might have mentioned oases, I will say that there are some exceptions – mainly in related to buzz rather than quality or dynamism. Around Portobello, spots like the Electric, E&O and the Italians of Kensington Park Road are packed out, extremely lively but equally are part of the furniture. Crazy Homies, El Camino, Santo and Taqueria feed the area’s many Yanks, giving the area a rare edge on others for Mexican. And of course there is The Ledbury.

A little north of there, even less is going on. Shambolic for somewhere so central and extortionate to live. Sacro Cuore’s pizzeria is tasty but let down by apathetic service. The Dock Kitchen has shades of brilliance (and not just Tom Dixon’s metallic numbers) but isn’t quite there on the food.  Too preoccupied with concept and identity to relax and confidently secure its future. People are confused – it is open? Is it a pop-up? Foraged menu only? Is there a bar? Shame as the space is fantastic.

But the pubs of North West London are decent, and this blurb is about The Parlour and The Chamberlayne. The former has been many things, known to most as that other pub behind that suburban fleshpot The Paradise, the Infernos of NW. However it’s been taken over by the Mall Tavern team, and is looking rather slick.

The starkness of the tiling is given warmth with a sea of mismatching, reclaimed wood tables, red booths and mixed up seating, and next door an attractive teal dining room sports plenty of clubby amber booth seating and original panelling. Inspiration seems to be Schiller’s Liquor Bar meets Riding House Café. But it retains a pub feel, no least due to the many interesting drops on tap – for example Anchor Steam’s Liberty Ale. Seeing their regular beer on tap is a special enough, so this is quite unique. 

Breakfast has been lauded here and it delivers. They’re trying the frying pan as a plate thing but seemingly bottling it due to lack of space for the handle (some tables are a little small). The beans in the jar are a great touch, although homemade might have been more exciting than Heinz given the effort in other areas. Hash browns are not seen enough on brunch menus and the sourdough and spreads bar for £1 (included in main breakfasts though) is cheaper than chips. Amazing bacon too. Solid coffee from South London’s Volcano and excellent service. And on weekends the kitchen is open until 1am which is a rare thing in W1, let alone out here in the sticks.

From breakfast to dinner, and for carnivores it has to be The Chamberlayne. Owned by The Salusbury team, they have gone for steaks and other meats (with some bistro touches) rather than the Italian you’d expect. Steaks here are dry aged and from a various sources, Scottish or English with the odd USDA guest. 

 

My T-bone was immense; quality meat, masterfully charred yet pink, well rested and absolutely nothing to improve upon. As respectable as you’d have anywhere, and at £36-ish inclusive of chips and a sprightly salad, extremely good value. An added bonus was receiving both rosemary & red wine jus and a decent béarnaise as standard – no fleecing on the sauces here. Chips were double cooked and amazing dipped in the rich jus.

We ate in the pub area on a Saturday night. It was rammed and so not much to say in the way of service, but to be expected. One teeny gripe was that we ordered all food, drinks and desserts (crumble was gigantic but mealy, loose and unfinished) all from the bar as per the pub norm, but at the very end we asked a passing barman for our bill as it was so busy. It had the 12.5% service added, which I think would not have happened had we got up and paid our pub tab. Not the worst thing, but a little cheeky – our fault for being lazy I guess and a lesson learned.

Clientele are those that can’t afford Notting Hill – either willing exiles looking for space and value, or reluctant snobs and penniless second sons. Think older dads working in TV and advertising: turned-up selvedge, tan brogues and the now-encouraged salt & pepper hair, having their monthly night away from Olivia and Rufus on the Guinness and nosebag.

Both Parlour and Chamberlayne represent some reasonable options in the area. There isn’t an influx of fancy fried chicken, not many places to grab a flat white and certainly not a sniff of Peruvian but food trends aside, there are several spots for dependable grub in the area.
 

North London Tavern

Before writing up some fantastic wings, burger and great service at Disco Bistro, I have a brief tale of woe to share. It concerns another, less fortunate burger at Kilburn’s North London Tavern.

Said burger was dropped into my lap. Luckily the bun bounced off my leg and decorated the floor, not leaving any marks on my jeans, but the barman didn’t see this, nor did he enquire. He did apologise meekly however, and offered to ask the chef to prepare me another one, as if it was a wonderful favour and I should be grateful. It would take ten minutes.

Thirty minutes later, my replacement burger was delivered, approximately five minutes after my intended was swept up from around my feet. Lovely. I asked the retreating barman if I would be offered anything given that I’d had to wait half an hour, and could not eat with my party and he seemed perplexed.

Cue a sweaty palmed manager waddling over with a ‘wanna fight’ gait, except it was more “Is there a problem here?” – so not too far off. He tried to dispute the waiting time, and then in the most patronising attitude possible, proceeded with “Oh, is it a free drink you’re after? Fine, what do you want…”

No I don’t want a free drink you big sack of tatties. I’m in a round of four and it’s quite obvious we’re about to leave anyway. How about offering something when it happened, or giving a shit? 

The worst thing is that butter fingers himself was North American, and if this happened there I would have been showered with all manner of excessive platitudes and freebies. Such a shame London has ruined his service outlook, but he’s found his rightful place.

In the end, I suggested a dessert we could all share. Didn’t touch a morsel myself though.

Luckily my friend also ordered the burger (safely delivered) and so we could eat half at a time. The burger itself was overcooked, dry and mealy from a breadcrumb-heavy mix. Precarious presentation on a wooden board does not equate to quality, be warned. But it does increase the risk of wearing said burger.

Shame as it’s decent as a pub, and I’ve never had any previous complaints with food. And people drop things, that isn’t the be-all and end-all. But how you deal with the situation is…

Sacro Cuore

Kensal Rise is finally on the up. It’s a fact. West London (and certainly North West London), doesn’t get its fair share of openings or foodie developments. Hampstead, one of London’s most beautiful, affluent and cosmopolitan areas has a high street which is 50% empty, and 50% mobile phone shops. And only in the past two years had it had drinkable coffee at Ginger & White, for instance. So if Hampstead isn’t burgeoning, what hope would its less salubrious neighbours to the west have?

But Kensal Rise has a few tricks up its sleeve. It's firmly Notting Hill overspill territory, as shriek the many property pieces written by local ES and Metro hacks shuttling down to Northcliffe House. Money goes further than Queens Park, which itself is expensive with a saturated main drag lacking many opportunities for new businesses. Kensal Rise feels more plugged in with West London due to transport routes, more youthful, and also the BBC has long been a big employer in these parts.

And so for the first time since our own Hurricane BawBag, the London tornado of 2006, rampaged through these streets, Kensal is on the map for something special. Sacro Cuore is the second opening by the folk behind Santa Maria Pizzeria in Ealing. I’ve not eaten there personally, but I’ve had Franco Manca so many times, I have a vague idea about Neapolitan pizza discipline and etiquette.

From what I gather, Sacro Cuore isn’t a step change from the Ealing outlet. I hesitate to use the term branch, as shrewdly (and reassuringly for chain-snob foodies like me) they have different names. The interior is modern, with groovy, varied lighting and yet woody, as I think pizzerias should be. The huge monochrome graphic of the Bay of Naples is a fantastically dramatic centrepiece to an otherwise undecorated space.

The starters are summery distractions before the main event, like garlic focaccias and bruschetta. We had a burrata to share, which was silky smooth with a slight sour tang, accompanied by some focaccia strips and rocket and tomato salad. Good value at £5.95 – especially compared to the €22 Ibiza burrata of my new avatar.

Now on to the pizzas, which is why we’re all here. And they’re very good. A couple of snags I’ll come to later but generally I was very pleased. The tomatoes were flavoursome San Marzanos and the mozzarella had a slight sweetness.

I had the Diavola which as promised came with heaps of green and red chilli peppers and a prolific heap of salami shreds. We also had a Boscaiola and a San Daniele on our group and they went down extremely well. But not that quickly, as the pizzas here are really quite enormous. They come in at £7 (margherita) to £12 (San Daniele).

On to my small gripes, which may have been unlucky execution on the day: my pizza was a bit soggy in the middle, which I would attribute to a heavy touch on the tomato sauce, good as it was. And secondly I do prefer the crusts more charred and imperfect than they arrived, but I’m not sure how authentic that is, so I’ll put that one down to my subjectivity. 

Service was prompt, but lacking the exuberance from the waiting staff and bravado from the chefs I love so much at expect from a Neapolitan pizza joint..

Overall it’s a great business to have opened in the area, and I’m sure it’ll be hugely popular. I’m now keen to keep plugging through the London’s best pizza lists and posts floating around; I’m not sure this is my number one (Franco Manca’s two chorizo number takes some beating) but it’s certainly a privilege to have such illustrious company in Kensal Rise. I love a good Bufalina, so that's definitely next. 

Food – 8/10 

Drink – N/A - we only had water (see below) 

Service - 7/10 

Value – 8/10 

Tap water tales – 0/10 (swerved with the "filtered" £1.50 nonsense, only value if sparkling) 

Staff Hotness – 6/10

Blueberry Pie

To celebrate International Women's Day, empowerment and all that, what could be more appropriate than that bastion of equality in the home and the workplace - my mum with a pinny on!

Jokes aside - here's a damn good pie, courtesy of my mother:

So geometrically perfect, it could be a cartoon pie...

Salusbury Pizzeria

The Salusbury Pizzeria is the night-time incarnation of their deli and café – itself part of quite the local empire. Notwithstanding all scurrilous rumours of wife-swapping, benefaction and fragile partnerships, the two guys who set up these foodie establishments in Queens Park have always been ahead of the curve.

Like little Russell Normans of the North Weezy, they succeed in creating good, buzzy atmospheres and are excellent product buyers (the wine shop has exceptional food, beers and spirits in addition to regular wines and enomatic bar service too). 

The pizza here is authentically Italian and yet a bit more contemporary in ambition – toppings such as bresaola, nduja, pecorino and pancetta show a respect for their clientele and a more thoughtful approach to ingredients. Even Pizza Express do a rendition of that naughties favourites of prosciutto, rocket and parmesan I believe.

The “pea n ‘am” – or pancetta, gorgonzola with sweet piselli is a handsome looking chap.

This fellow is a pizza bianca with chicken, pesto and mixed peppers:

And this bad boy sports olives, mixed peppers and spicy, crumbled nduja sausage from Calabria. With a little chilli oil, this pizza had a real zing.

Service is friendly and efficient. Drinks are a little bit lacking considering, but I appreciate they may not want to cannibalise their enomatic bar or pub by offering great wines and beers. It’s a popular hang out – punchily priced at £9-11 for a pizza, but some love and thought has definitely gone into these pizzas. An easy, solid week night option for the area.


Food – 8/10

Drink – 6/10

Service - 8/10

Value – 7/10

Tap water tales – 8/10

Staff Hotness – 7/10

 

Penks

Penks is a diminutive local restaurant on the main drag of Queens Park. I’ve eaten here a few times, and it’s not a bad neighbourhood option. The menu plays it safe although the wine list is quite interesting, and they seem to offer quizzes, happy hours and other events to engage with the locale, and break the oligopoly of ‘The Salusbury’ enterprises.

The starters are a strong area here; as well as a few predictable dishes, they offer some more sociable charcuterie and cheese plates, which suit their passion for unusual wines. A mention also has to go to their carefully edited US craft ales.

spanish charcuterie plate

Rib-eye and chips is a bit disappointing. The meat isn’t a particularly great cut and the chips are quite standard. They could be oven chips, or ‘steak cut’ chips – it comes with a salad garnish including iceberg lettuce and grated carrots! This is Queens Park – drag yourselves into the Naughties, at bare minimum, with some rocket/bay spinach/lamb’s lettuce and vine tomatoes! It had a touch of Harvester about it.

The guinea fowl was a bit more interesting, in rich sauce and with seasonal vegetables. Penks also seem to succeed at fish dishes; there are several starters and mains and these seem exhibit more culinary smarts and daring.

guinea fowl

Although I love the idea of neighbourhood restaurants, I have a few problems with Penks.

I want to like it, and I think they’re missing a few tricks especially given such a prime spot. Queens Park is a chi chi little enclave, and the menu is conversely, quite parochial. There are no specials, not enough localism or provenance and the décor is quite bland. This contrasts with the bonkers music and hideous art to combine quite a bizarre atmosphere. Service is erratic too – it’s nice that this is family run, but it could still be professional in feel.

creamy fish concoction

If I was to recommend a few things for this place, they'd be to shamelessly imitate somewhere like The Electric: brunch drinks and more contemporary brunch offering, a NY/faux Parisian style menu with a strong typeface, good music, lower lighting, more specials (including some pastas), modernise the interior, and try to encourage people to come for, and stick around for, the drinks. The atmosphere is a bit dated and subdued, and they’re missing quite a significant slice of the urbane, flashy, hungry and very thirsty types who populate these sides.

A neighbourhood restaurant could do one of a few things: focus on excellent food (La Trompette, at the highest end), or an intimate atmosphere (Ripe Tomato perhaps) or it could be cheap and cheerful, like Small & Beautiful nearby in Kilburn. But Penks doesn’t excel in any of these fields particularly, which seems like a wasted opportunity.

Food – 5/10 

Drink – 8/10

Service - 5/10 (the waitress forgot a few things)

Value – 7/10  (£40 a head with wine, reasonable but at the upper end of it)

Tap water tales – 8/10 (cold glasses brought without asking, mineral not proffered)  

Staff Hotness – 5/10

Hugo's (and CC's)

Hugo’s is a bar/restaurant on Lonsdale Road, Queens Park’s alternative drag which has a decent amount of vibrancy, with a few creative cottage industries as well as a Pilates studio and some workshops.

Hugo’s has been around for a long time but it took me a while to visit. It used to be the Organic Café and was well known for its jazz Sundays. I believe these are still going, but we came for a quick Saturday feed. Well, brunch really – but by brunch, one can also mean burger.  So here it is:

A nice piece of meat, with oozing cheddar that looks almost like hollandaise. It was cooked medium rare to order, but came with quite uninspiring fries. Solid burger though, very rustic and homemade in style with onions through the mince, which I like. I certainly would have loved a portion of the sautéed potatoes instead, which come with the full English.

Nice looking double yolk fried egg, and of course the aforementioned potatoes are a good touch (though could they not have jazzed them up to create ‘home fries’ ?) but a little stingy on the meat elements. And the bacon was a bit tasteless.

Service is a bit off the day we went, and we had to go in and pay our bill. It’s possibly a bit understaffed during the daytime as the apologetic sole barman/waiter/supervisor was pretty rushed. Nice draught beers and a good wine list also, and I’ll probably be back to try dinner. It's a decent neighbourhood place and well priced (breakfasts £6-10, burger about £11, mains £14-18).

CC's counter and menu

CC’s is next door, and owned by the same people. I doubt it warrants its own post but is definitely worth a mention. The wall is a compendious and colourful juice and smoothie menu but they do great organic coffee from their La Spaziale, and some twee baking such as cupcakes and macaroons, as well as pastries and quiches, sausage rolls etc...

There is also a little hatch for takeaway ice cream, which looks amazing. A nice neighbourhood place to have, with Antipodean barista service and some quality food. The space feels a tad sparse, and could be used better to create a more vibrant feel with some additional seating. 

More is given over to prep space than café space and it feels a bit like a woodwork studio – CC’s isn’t that established yet and so with a bit of a space revamp could really compete with the many cafes of Queens Park. It certainly makes the best coffee.

Food – 7/10

Drink – 8/10

Value – 7/10

Service - 6/10 (possibly understaffed but maybe unlucky on the day)
Tap Water Tales - 5/10 (requested, iced glass but nothing special)

Staff Hotness – 6/10 (overwhelmed is not a good look!)

Pomelo

'No MSG.'

What a proud statement. And should we be impressed with the honesty and standards, or slightly depressed that such a declaration is necessary?!

I love Chinese food, be it dim sum in Chinatown, full on banquets in Queensway, or messy, drippy takeaway in front of a film at home. Pomelo in Kensal Rise had been identified as a quality local Chinese restaurant, with rumours of an ex-Hakkasan chef abounding (as yet unconfirmed), and a couple of positive takeaways down the gullet, we thought we'd try the eat-in experience.

With some BYO beers (£1.50 per head corkage, unlimited consumption!) - we ordered the spare ribs in mandarin sauce (£5.50) to share as a starter. These were generous (ate one without thinking before taking pic!) sweet and gloopy, with a hoisin-esque bbq sauce, surprisingly not too heavy.

My main was that takeaway favourite, Crispy Shredded Chilli Beef (£6.50), which is usually very satisfying but not very beefy. I sometimes think they're mere twiglets fried in sweet chilli sauce, but this actually tasted meaty and wasn't 't shrivelled to within an inch of its life. Evidence of meat content! Wow...

The Piglet's Lemon Chicken (£6.50) was equally good quality, with nice pieces of chicken and a more natural tasting sauce which wasn't too cloying or artificial tasting. It tasted fresh and definitely of a quality you don't get in most generic Chinatown joints.




 
We had Egg Fried Rice (£2.50 p/h) which was decent, and a very generous portion for two. The menu also has plenty of Malaysian dishes I'd be keen to try. Decor is lots of quasi-Asiatic dark wood, and fine for a local place. Vibe quite busy and cosy.


A note on the service though. There were only tables for four available when we walked in - one cold by the door and one further away. Same size, both set for four diners. We weren't allowed the the normal one "in case a three or four arrives", and had to suffer the extremely slow and annoying draughty door opening and closing. Also while I nipped out for the beers, The Piglet was threatened straight away that we'd have to move again if a new party of four arrived and a table for two was vacant. Charming attitude. Didn't eventuate. Surely could have addressed if needed!?

The slightly batty lady seemed surprised at the end when the tip wasn't that hot. Also there are items on the menu which they've stopped cooking completely. Pomelo is handy to know as a good quality and value takeaway, which I'd recommend thoroughly for anyone in West/North West London, but I'd give a miss as a restaurant and head to Royal China...

Food – 7/10
Drink – N/A (BYO - worth it the more you drink as a flat £1.50!)
Service – 4/10
Value – 9/10
Tap water tales – 4/10 (not requested, didn't arrive but saw an iced jug for another table) 
Staff Hotness – 2/10 (not happening here....)

Pomelo
55 Chamberlayne Road, Kensal Rise, NW10
No website.